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He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive. A set of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "OK, I'll serve you, but don't start anything.

One day the wife went in for a medical exam and when she came home she reported to her husband, "The doctor says I have the heart of a year-old, lungs of a year-old, and the blood pressure of a year-old.

The huband replies, "Oh really? And what did he say about your year-old ass? As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man, I did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the crew, eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place.

I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before Justice Brewer was asked by a man, "Will you please tell me, sir, what is the penalty for bigamy? As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single. The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. Are you ready to play college sports? Download this brochure to find out. Want to play sports in college? Click here to register or log in.

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